Female Viagra: Round Two

The New York Times Magazine has an interesting piece on women with low libido. As researchers revise the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, they admit that around 30 percent of women go through periods of not wanting any sex at all. So is lust something that can be put into a pill? Flibanserin has been hailed as 'the female Viagra' but studies show that it the test group taking the drug only had one more satisfying sexual encounter per month than the placebo group. Also, unlike the patch or Viagra, Flibanserin has to be taken daily for weeks to have any effect. For some women who are suffering from lack of desire, the drug could be a great help. But is low sex drive really a 'mental disorder'? What about all of the women out there who are happy living without sex? Or those whose low desire is a result of an emotionally absent or sexually inept partner? The Times piece points out that sexually starts in the mind...if that's true, I find it hard to believe you can fix complex emotional issues by popping a pill.

Belle de Jour exposed

So Belle de Jour, the formerly anonymous prostitute/blogger/author has finally been unmasked as a PhD. The press is debating everything from the dangers of anonymity to what her parents think (of course, someone has already tracked down her estranged dad). I can understand why she wanted to write under a pseudonym to protect her privacy; I agonised over whether or not to use a pen name when I wrote my book. Eventually, I decided that I didn't want to, because a) I wasn't ashamed to be having sex (it's not like I was protecting state secrets!) and b) I figured that the truth would emerge eventually, and if you try to hide something it always seems like a bigger deal when it eventually comes out. Reading the judgmental comments did make me laugh though: These days people write memoirs about every horror under the sun, so why is sex between consenting adults still such a taboo

The Marilyn Manson Guide to Surviving A Break-Up

Marilyn Manson clearly doesn't believe in hoovering tubs of Ben and Jerry's after a split. He goes straight for the medicine cabinet, and channels his rage into art. So his new video for 'Running to the Edge of the World' is, surprise surprise, pretty graphic. He kills a bikini-clad girl who looks a LOT like his ex-girlfriend Evan Rachel Wood. Guess talking to Spin magazine about how about how he called her 158 times after they broke up, and took a razor blade and cut himself on his face or his hands--because he, um, wanted to show her the pain she put him through wasn't cathartic enough for him. Oh, and he admits that 'every day' he has 'fantasies about smashing her skull in with a sledgehammer.'

Celebrities often act out elements of their doomed love affairs to sell singles (Justin Timberlake, Peter Andre) but adding murder to the mix definitely ups the weirdness factor. Then again, we've all had dark thoughts after a break-up and Manson isn't acting on any of his homicidal impulses. So, is making a video about murdering a look-alike of your ex therapeutic, or disturbing?

Why do powerful men cheat? Because they can...

After years of blubbering politicians and their crocodile tears, it's pretty ironic that a comedian has set the standard for serious public confessions. David Letterman's straight-talking admission that he's done 'creepy' things, while not his finest hour, was done the right way. No bullshit public apology, no mention of a higher power, no miserable-looking wife wringing her hands while being forced to stand by her man in the background. He explained the facts to a sympathetic audience (on his terms!) and now hopes to move on.

Of course, the press is still trying to dig up dirt - most recently about a bedroom that 'sources' are calling 'the bunker' (it's probably closer to a fold-out couch!) But really, if he has had other consensual affairs with staff members, who cares? He cheated because the opportunity was there, and found a pool of willing women after spending intense 15-hour days with them. He's an entertainer, not a politician--so he has no responsibility to maintain a standard of morality. Though to be honest, I respect Dave more than most politicians. Hey, at least he's not a hypocrite.

Roman Polanski Finally Arrested

So Roman Polanski finally got arrested, and will be fighting extradition on his 32-year-old sex case. I'm not going to go into all of the details of the case, because everyone under the sun already has, but I just have to wonder: Why is Kanye West getting demolished in the press for grabbing the microphone at an awards ceremony, while someone who committed a crime on this level is being defended? Yes, he's made some amazing films over the past few decades. Yeah, I loved 'Chinatown'. And I'm all for him getting a fair sentence. But his awards don't change the fact that he drugged, raped and sodomized a 13-year-old child. I don't care if his victim forgave him. It's time to come back to the US and face the music. If there really was 'substantial misconduct' during the original hearing, these charges need to be addressed in court. Unfortunately for Polanski, this can't be tried by a jury at Sundance.

Does separate beds = Marital Bliss?

I just did an interview on BBC Radio Wales talking about the study that claims sleeping in separate beds is the key to a happy marriage. Some people think that it harms intimacy, but personally, I think that having my own room would be awesome. In some of my past relationships where snoring has been an issue (theirs, not mine!), I've slept in the spare room, and it didn't mean that we were in buttoned-up pyjamas in twin beds. We would have hot sex, then I would go into my own private room, so that while he was snoring like a buzzsaw, I slept through the night and was in a much better mood come morning. I'm not saying that it's for everyone, but it's an option worth considering.

If I ever get married, I want my own bathroom. In my mind, a two-bathroom system seems to be the key to relationship longevity. I don't want to know what happens behind his door, and I don't want him to know about my hair removal regime. As far as he's concerned, I'm naturally hairless below the eyebrows. Period. Maybe that's what my mum meant when she talked about 'preserving some mystery'?

Updates!

Hi Everyone, Sorry it's been a while since I've posted....I've got a few updates!

1. 'Sleeping Around' isn't running as a weekly column in The Independent anymore, but the SA blog can still be found here.

2. Sleeping Around (the book!) is coming out in the United States on September 1, 2009 and I'm so excited! I'll post updates about the launch as we get closer. It will be in stores throughout the nation - sorry Mom!

3. I am working on a third book. It's fiction, and it's a black comedy - but don't worry, it will still have plenty of naughty bits. I'll let you know more soon...

4. My love life does sometimes still resemble a train wreck in slow motion. But at least I'm not settling - I can't agree with Lori Gottlieb on this one. Settling, to me, feels like a slow death. I would much rather be happy alone than lonely with someone else!